Softening

Choosing to finish the year soft and not strong.

Hello, hi! I’m here but find myself struggling to keep my head above water lately. It’s the first time in the fifteen (!) months of writing this newsletter that the writing just hasn’t come easily. I had big plans for December’s essay… I thought I might highlight some holiday recipes that my foodie friends are making, or share some of the things that helped support me this year, and then I got excited to maybe put together a gift guide. I ran out of time. And energy. And here we are.

I love this space so much and truly value the connection that it brings, both within this little community and myself. It’s a gift to be able to process in real time and share vulnerably. Documenting my thoughts on the reg encourages me to take time to notice and reflect.

So much has changed for me this year — I’ve oscillated between feeling my best ever, and my worst ever — sometimes even in the same day. Is this what life is like now? Will I ever get to some “other side” that feels lighter and brings considerable relief? Don’t get me wrong, there’s been a lot of joy, laughter, special memories and rewarding projects this year. There’s been a creative flow within me unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I’m launching some things I’m extremely proud of in 2024 — returning to Duende in a more meaningful and deliberate way, growing in my creative marketing role at Wiley, and (soon-to-be) settling into a new home in a new neighborhood.

When scrolling over the weekend, I came across a question that asked: Instead of finishing the year strong, why don’t we finish the year soft?

Oof. I haven’t had many margins between work and life lately, and keep telling myself to finish strong and then I can rest. This line brought the perfect pause I needed to take a deep breath, become gentle with myself and consider what softening looks like for me right now. I’ve been on autopilot, and need to make some changes over these next couple weeks. I’m going to jump in the freezing cold ocean, eat Chinese food on Christmas Day, drink a peppermint mocha and try to explore a place that I’ve never been to. I’m going to read this memoir, call a friend, make a new recipe (Chloe’s Chocolate + Coffee Torte is calling to me) and just slow the fuck down. I’m going to soften, become less forceful, loosen my grip — even just for a few fleeting moments.

May we finish the year as softly as we can. Happy Holidays, my friends.

Love,
Elise

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NOTEWORTHY

—These beautiful words on the portals of age from Anne Lamott.

—I’m finally making my way through The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin, and highly recommend the audiobook version. And here’s a list I put together of some other favorite reads (*these are affiliate links).

—I hosted an intimate dinner party for The Wiley Dinner Series at my home in LA last month, and it was dreamy and delicious. Here’s a peek.

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PLEASURE

Since I didn’t get around to making my own, here are some of my favorite gift guides this year curated by: Claire Dille Parkinson, Mara Roszak, Arielle Eshel, and Grace Dougherty.

Can’t stop watching the making of candy canes. It looks like a scene from a Hallmark movie lol.

Not your typical holiday viewing recommendations from Katie Merchant.

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CONTEMPLATING

Since When Are Red Socks And Tights Everywhere? I gotta say, I’m here for it.

In Defense Of Canceling Plans At The Last Minute. I doubt everyone will agree with me, but I love a canceled plan.

Gifts To Give Yourself This December. “Be present where your heart leads you” really jumped out at me.

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Photo Credit: October 2023 film capture from Charleston, South Carolina by Elise Joseph.