On Friendship

Outwardly processing some complicated feelings.

I keep putting off writing this one. I don’t know if it’s because I feel guilty about not responding to texts in a timely manner, or not answering the phone when I feel deflated, or let’s be honest, not really even knowing how to form proper sentences and socialize IRL these days. But I’ve known that I wanted to write about friendship this month — What does friendship look like to me now? How has Covid affected my friendships? How do I make friends as a 35-year-old in a new city? How do I make friends with life? I’m definitely not the only one stewing on this topic (see here, here and here).

I’ve been thinking about some extremely important friendships over the period of my life, some that have come and some that have gone: The friend who made me laugh at work every day for 3 years. The friend who invited me to move in with her when I was 25, broke and going through a painful divorce. The friend I could rarely go a day without texting. The friend that stopped talking to me one day in high school. The friend who sent me chicken soup from afar when I was sick.

Two funny stories, one of my best friends today is someone I met through my old blog (ah, the good ole days of the internet). She was moving back to Tennessee and looking for recommendations on neighborhoods to live. We met up for Mexican food with our then-husbands and connected instantly. Many moons later, we are both happily remarried, she has 2 irresistible babies and we now live 2000 miles apart. I miss seeing her so much but greatly cherish our sporadic calls and texts.

Another dear friend, when we got coffee together for the very first time, had told her partner that I was “nice,” but that she didn’t think we’d really be friends. Fast forward 13 years and we are still laughing about this story, and I somehow proved her wrong haha. We’ve walked through a lot of life together and I’m so grateful. These days we send each other hilarious and gross videos on Instagram late at night despite a 2-hour time difference.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, friendships are beautiful, complicated, layered and life-giving. They go through seasons of closeness and seasons of distance. They are often evolving, shifting, regressing, growing. They come in all forms and can sometimes fade away, pick right back up where left off, or maybe we outgrow them. They require nurturing. I have new friends that I have bonded with over a shared story, close friends that know me at my most vulnerable and casual friends that I meet up with occasionally for drinks. I’m working to hold space for any and every level of friendship, and to also hold space (and grace) for myself in the process. It’s ok to be in a more insular time of life, but we don’t ever have to walk it alone. 

Your Friend,
Elise

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NOTEWORTHY

—How to be in community.

—The Average Contestant on British Baking Shows vs. the Average Contestant on American Cooking Shows.

—I want to be friends with Maryam Nassir Zadeh.

—You won’t please them all.

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PLEASURE

This delicious wine that we shared recently with friends, plus the label makes me smile.

Some serious eye candy: Viola Davis in Elle Brasil, In Common With and Sophie Lou Jacobsen’s lighting collection, Gucci’s Twinsburg runway show, Bella Hadid and the spray-on dress at Coperni, and The Art Of Setting The Table.

Do Revenge was such a fun weekend watch.

Rachel Saunders is so thoughtful in her approach to art and life. The Peace Portal looks like a nice and calming activity to share in with a friend.

What are you reading these days? I just started The Paper Palace. Join me over on Goodreads.

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CONTEMPLATING

What does it mean to have grown up alongside an adolescent internet? If you, like me, were born roughly between 1985 and 1995, you will find this particularly fascinating.

My Vulnerability Is My Power. Ocean Vuong has such a delicate, important and gut-wrenching way with words.

A Conversation With Karen O. She is the absolute coolest — This gripping interview with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs frontwoman sheds light on a path-paving creative and her 22-year career.

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Photo Credit: Campie and Golden at Rose’s Bakery, photographed by Tyler Mitchell via Vogue.